What I’m not telling anyone…

Twenty five years old and from your perspective my life is perfect.
I am a doctor to be. I have the perfect family, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect eyes and the perfect background.
I have pursue my talents and have succeeded in every way. I have been blessed with love in all its forms, I have never been in need.

I am lucky enough to be able to feel love of the most passionate kind, and happiness of the one that makes my smile hurts. I have felt pride and joy. I have been blessed, I have been cursed.

I have felt the tears of sorrow escaping from my eyes late at nights while I keep trying to figure out my future; A future that looks so scary that I want to turn back time. I have felt the pain of trying to please everyone at the same time as my voice is shutting down. I have felt the pain of loving so much that the thought of losing it hurts. I have cried to sleep as I try to figure out how to keep sane while time keeps flying away. I have been losing my mind while trying to fix others. I have been losing myself while others try to find themselves in me.

While I keep figuring out how to exist in this world full of noise, I’ll keep smiling and keep telling the world that everything is fine.

While others smile back, I will continue this journey alone.

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Jeff, who lives at home

Jeff, who lives at home.

Late love

He was wearing a blue shirt. I stared at him thinking he was too naive.

She was beautiful, the first woman I met when I came in.

Hello

That’s all it took, I was bewitched. I loved her.

Love is not real.

My heart is in pain.

If he only showed me differently.

Candy. A flower. A kiss.

I’m yours.

A year went by… No candy, no flower, no kiss…

You are my world.

That’s cute.

Hello… My name is Paul.

Hi Paul, I’m Sidney.

He was wearing a red shirt. My favorite color. I’m in love…

Late love

He was wearing a blue shirt. I stared at him thinking he was too naive.

She was beautiful, the first woman I met when I came in.

Hello

That’s all it took, I was bewitched. I loved her.

Love is not real.

My heart is in pain. 

If he only showed me differently.

Candy. A flower. A kiss.

I’m yours.

A year went by… No candy, no flower, no kiss…

You are my world.

That’s cute.

Hello… My name is Paul.

Hi Paul, I’m Sidney.

He was wearing a red shirt. My favorite color. I’m in love… 

Happiness is not forever… nor is sadness.

Grew up in a small green town. 15 minutes away from school, 10 minutes away from college, 12 minutes away from work. I see the same people every day, I do the same things everyday and I even eat at the same three sandwich shops. But I’m happy with my life and my routine. I think everything is perfect in my life. I have an amazing family, a significant other, I love what I do and I love what I see every time I walk out my door. Yet I’m fully aware that things here aren’t perfect. The government is a joke, criminology is taking over, we are lacking some vital resources, but then again those are external things. I mean, even though things aren’t all that perfect outside my door, I’m extremely happy with what I have. Therefor I tend to feel sorry for people when something bad happens to them, but a second later I turn away and keep going.

 

Image

The thing is that we are not immune. You know how they say “life screw us all”? Well is true.

It has been a week already. My heart is in pieces. But I know I’ll never be the same. I will never look at suffering the same way anymore. I can relate to the pain. I can relate to the loss. I can relate to the broken smiles and the empty eyes. That broken spirit that only a person who have suffer can emanate. From now on there will always be a moment I will be afraid to look back to. There’s this moment that will forever bring tears to my eyes. There’s this moment that I’ll never be able to talk about without feeling  that a piece of my heart is being torn out. There’s this moment that as painful as it is I’ll never be able to fully explain, so I will keep it to myself (because I know no one cares, no one understand). From no on I live in fear. I do not trust what’s out my door. I do not trust the world anymore, and for that I will always be on guard, waiting for the moment when life strikes again (because I know it will happen). After all, happiness is not forever… and there’s nothing more painful and more heartbreaking that staring right into the eyes of a love one in pain.

I love this post and I agree with it a 100%
…Yet I admit that not everyone is can handle being with a girl who reads.

stagnum memoriae

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

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Wear sunscreen

Here’s another inspirational video that I love… I agree with everything it states, and everyday I think of which things I can add to it, because in the end of the day I have learned something I wish I knew when I was younger.
Life is to be enjoyed. Cherish every moment of it. Find what inspires you. inspire others. Live a life that makes you proud. Live a life that makes you feel complete. Accept reality and make the most of it. Be someone you would love to meet. Become someone your kids can look up to. Become someone you love.

Thanks for following.
xoJ